Am I even allowed to write about race?

I have a lot of problems with the concept of race. As a white person I am uncomfortable with even talking about race. I do not even want to write this metatext because it makes me uncomfortable to address race.  I am taught that it is bad to be racist and that we do not talk about someone else's race because we are white and privileged so the last thing you do is bring it up. White people are not allowed to be racist. I know that I directly benefit from racial marginalization and from the historical handing down of privilege from my white ancestors from generation to generation. So for this reason I will go out of my comfort zone and address race because I know different cultures and minority race persons do not have the luxury to ignore race. The last thing I want is for anyone to say I am racist, so I will incorporate behaviours, points of view, and practices into my daily life in order to firmly affirm that I am not racist. 

In feminist discourse I have observed minority women talk about their experiences with race and the impact it has on identity and self-expression.  Their experiences are juxtaposed by a comparison the 'white' experience. There is a creation of other when you do something this way and you see others doing something else. White culture is the dominant culture in Canada and so it is easy to take a look at what you are doing and compare it to the way “Canadians” do it. In her article, The Hall of Shame: Lies, Masks, and Respectful Femininity Amita Handa includes dialogue she has had with Salimah, a South Asian woman, who said, "Okay, when I see white girls, I can generalize here, most white girls are more giving, like fast sexually, you know. Even though Indian girls aren't [fast], well not all, but I'm just saying they're taught not to be. But I don't think that's enforced in, in you know, white families. I know this one girl whose mother bought her the pill. That would never happen in an Indian family." When I discuss my sexuality and sexual expression it has never been in comparison to how another race or culture does it. I would never even start to do that because if a white person does that they are racist and I am NOT racist. I have a bit of problem with how white women are labeled as fast in this dialogue and several other times in the next few pages called promiscuous, Canadian girls are sluts, "bad', or sexually deviant. I am considering critically reflecting on South Asian women's sexuality and self-expression but I cannot even bring myself to do it. At first I thought it was because I did not want to appear to be racist by judging what someone else does, but upon further analysis I am considering that I do not have to compare myself to someone else because I have the freedom of my culture to express myself as my culture deems appropriate. I do not need to compare myself to feel legitimate and I wish everyone could know this freedom. 

In Beyoncé's song Formation the lyrics also express her statement that she is "slayn". When I read the lyrics my interpretation of her meaning is that she wants to be successful so she goes ahead and does that and she then reaps the rewards of her success. This approach has worked for her and she is very successful. She talks about the material possessions she has reaped through her success and also includes some references to her culture and race. After listing qualities of her race she likes she follows it up with: "Earned all this money but they neva take the country out me.  I got a hot sauce in my bag, swag" This appears to me to say that by gaining wealth your membership is apt to change. By even mentioning that there is a divide, or difference between her wealth today and the origins of her identity is like calling black people poor. This song says a lot about racial disparity of socio economic reality of the majority of Black Americans. The boasting of having a lot of wealth, without saying the statement out right it draws attention to the fact that at some time there was no wealth because this status is a big deal to her so she is singing about it.

When I graduate with my BSW I will be proud of myself. I told my husband that one of the things I am most proud of is breastfeeding my two children past the time as recommended by the WHO. When I accomplish this I want to reward myself in a major way because it was a huge sacrifice which took a lot of time and effort and I did this important thing for the love of my body and my children. Both these things were hard for me and took a lot of work and time. I understand it is a luxury to be me in all my whiteness. Sometimes I do wish I stayed at home and was 'taken care of' but I do not continue on to think like the lucky South Asian girls. At least through my privilege when I do things, celebrate things, express myself I do not need to do it in reference to my whiteness. I just do it. The best thing I can think of to do is to stop worrying about my comfort zone and being guilty for being white. Time to push it aside and stand up for race issues because I am afforded the luxury to be comfortable; I can stand to be uncomfortable sometimes to make sure everyone is able to be comfortable just like me.